It’s from a Tim Robinson skit

https://youtu.be/B1pwyCl5ymE

What you said is still true, but this shit is funny and relevant so I thought you might enjoy it

When you think monster is about to grab your foot and drag you to hell, and your first thought is “great! Now I don’t have to go to work tomorrow.”

Mine keeps getting notices that she’s going to be served. Fun fact, the voicemails they leave me don’t say the name of the person they’re calling till the end.

Did you look him up to see what he did?

Silence of the Lambs.

It’s my favorite movie. So well done. Every set is a work of art, with so many tiny details added. Pause at any point when it’s panning through Buffalo Bill’s basement, and you can see a dozen different things that tell you about him.

All of the scenes lead into each other perfectly. Hannibal tells her Bill is probably on the hunt for his next victim, then it cuts to Catherine Martin driving home, singing to the radio and loving her life.

The scenes where people are “studying” each other has the actors looking directly into the camera, so you feel the discomfort of being stared at.

Clarice spends most of the movie being towered over or being fixated on my intimidating men. You can really see it impacting her as she tries not to show it.

I have to make myself shut up when I watch it with someone new, because I have something to say about every frame of the movie. 10/10

I am a mortician. I have received the deceased’s brain in an unlabeled box before. The context was a suicide by gunshot to the head while sitting in his car. The cops called to let us know they were “clearing the scene” and found “additional brain matter”. It ended up being about a quarter of his brain, and a large chunk of skull. I placed the brain in his chest cavity with the rest of his organs (post autopsy, the organs come in a bag that’s sewn into the cavity after the embalming). I used the skull fragments rebuilding his head.

If the package had arrived after he was sewn up, it would have been a lot trickier to deal with. I would probably have placed the box in the casket right before it was closed for the final time, so it could be buried with him. If it arrived after the burial…damn. I guess I would ask their permission to cremate it free of charge, and either return the ashes to them, or scatter them by the grave? That would suck.

There is no scenario where I would ever ever ever hand something like that to the family. I don’t even give them back bloodstained clothing. I’ll let them know it’s soiled, and if they want it back, I wash it well first. Our whole job is to try and help people who are grieving, and to protect them from unnecessary trauma.

Whoever gave this family that box needs to get out of the field, and go do something that doesn’t deal with people.

https://youtu.be/QKlv4pZe-zo

Fuck you Mariah Carey

Where I live, there are a lot of people who hold signs on the side of the road and the end of off ramps. I’m a funeral director, and I’ve had to cremate homeless people who got hit doing that. It makes me very anxious to see someone running across traffic to grab a dollar from someone three lanes over.

So that in particular bothers me pretty bad

I don’t know, it’s probably just me being the least fun at parties, but I was pretty shocked that people thought The Purge concept seemed fun/exciting. it would get unfathomably dark when you think about what kind of monsters are out there. Is someone going to go make sure someone doesn’t kill every kitten in the animal shelter? Not to mention crimes against children. Most of those cases are people in the same household. Are you going to go out with a gun to make sure Father Bad-Touch doesn’t go crazy in the orphanage once a year?

I haven’t watched the movies, so I don’t know if they address that or not. I’m guessing not, because who would want to watch that?

There will be some extremely brittle but recognizable bone fragments. Crematories put the ashes through a pulverizer that turns them into a fine white powder. I can’t imagine there’s a lot though. And it would be a nightmare to… Scoop up?

I’m sitting here wondering if the still, legally, need to go through a funeral home, or if the medical examiner just hands them a box and says “you guys are good”.

I was working in the crematory, and accidentally cut myself. I was rushing to get some ashes transferred to another urn, because the family was waiting up front. Jabbed myself in the thumb with the wire cutters that we use to get the zip ties off of the bags that hold the ashes inside the urn. Cleaned it up and put a Band-Aid on it. Few days later it still hurt like crazy. I saw when I looked at it that there is a little bit of pus coming out. I squeezed it a little and a little short of bone popped out. Felt a lot better once it fell out!

As an embalmer, I will be cremated. If people knew what we do to them when we embalm, fewer people would choose it.

In funeral director circles, the topic of embalming your loved ones comes up a lot. Some people want to, so they know they get the best care. Some people, like me, would rather ask an embalmer they trust to do it.

As far as embalming certification, it varies by state. Colorado is notorious for embalming not requiring licensure. Minnesota requires a 4 year degree. So it’s hard to say if he was official or not.

I once walked around for two days with a piece of someone else’s bone stuck in my thumb.

The homophobe was coming right for us. I feared for my life. It was self defense.

Sometimes I put Bob’s Burgers on the TV for them

I’m an on call mortician. I spend a lot of time walking around funeral homes at night in the dark. I heard shit moving around and weird crashing noises all the time. I fuckin ignore that shit. Oh, what? The demon wants attention again, so I have to take my earbuds out? Nah. Not tonight Satan. I’m really into this audio book.

1998, where if you had home made desserts instead of Oreos, Pop tarts and lunchables, people assumed you were poor!