whats your thought on open relationship? if both living in different states
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So ive been in open poly relationships before and am very sex positive. The problem is several fold and it mostly comes down to education of everyone involved and comfort of all parties.
- There needs to be solid trust and communication between all members. If you dont have this it will fail. This is why going open will never fix a broken relationship.
- Some people arent able to let go of the jealous feeling of their partner being with someone else and thats ok it just means being poly / open isnt for them.
- Everyone has to be ok with the arrangement before it happens. None of this “I get to kiss/fuck whoever I want but you dont” stuff.
- The reason you want to be open matters. Do you just find it exciting? Does your partner? Are you long distance and so want to keep your options open? Does the partner know that? Are you into a kink your partner isnt into and they are ok with you experimenting? Are you in love with multiple people and want them all and they are also cool with that? Giant cuddle puddle sounds great? It all comes down to trust again. It can NEVER be because you’re trying to compensate for something your partner lacks without the consent of the partner
If there are any hard feelings in the relationship they will be compounded. So make sure the relationship is solid first.
Also being open doesnt automatically mean each person can do whatever they want. Talk yo your partner about partners you want to being in. Talk to the new people about your current partner. Make sure everyone is kosher about what’s happening (and also make sure everyone is regularly getting tested for STDs)
can i share one thing?
i thought we were talking about sharing multiple ‘things’
As long as both are consenting adults, whatever I think doesn’t matter.
I think they can work and be fulfilling, but you have to be honest and trustworthy, and good about communicating.
yes actully one thing happened here can i share?
Without a commitment of some kind, that’s not a romantic relationship. That’s a non-binding letter of intent for a friends-with-benefits situation at a TBD date some time in the future with caveats and escape clauses. It’s about as much of a relationship as mutual swiping on tinder.
so if both are in different city its not good?
It’s not about the location so much as the expectations and praticalities.
An ‘open relationship’ as a status requires a commitment from both people to maintain commitment to the relationship but allow casual sexual interactions outside of the relationship. That’s hard for a lot of, if not the large majority of, people, even when both people are in close proximity. If you take away the commitment element, it’s not a romantic relationship, it’s just casual or friend sex, which can be fine too, but has different expectations.
A traditional long-distance relationship also requires commitment. Ask anyone who has tried to have an LDR. It requires a HEAVY commitment, and a lot of every day effort to maintain the non-physical intimacy of the relationship over that distance. Are you ready to spend all day writing texts, call each other when you have a few moments at the same time just to hear each other’s voices, and spend all evening on the phone talking about the most pointless BS that happened that day just because you love hearing about each other’s BS? If you got the chance to go visit, but you were exhausted from working overtime and it would cost everything you got as extra from the overtime and then a bit more, would you drop everything just to go see them for one day? These commitments, if they are going to withstand the difficulties of life, are usually on the order of ‘we will be getting married or entering a solemnified union of some kind but circumstances outside of our control make that impossible for now.’ If either of the people aren’t ready to commit to that level of dedication and permanence, the relationship, while possibly previously good, is not likely to be able to withstand the strain of each person’s needs and desires being deferred by the practical realities, again and again and again. You have to ask yourselves, and each other, out loud, whether that level of commitment is there. If it’s not, it’s far healthier for everyone involved to say ‘This isn’t something to call a relationship. I won’t wait for you, and I don’t expect you to wait for me, but I’ll be super fucking happy to try again when we’re both living in the same place if we’re not monogamous with someone else.’So its good if both want open relationship?
It can technically be made to work, but it will be extremely hard. It’s combining two difficult to manage relationship dynamics into one VERY difficult one. Both people wanting an open relationship is only the bare minimum starting point. It takes a LOT more than that to even begin to make it work.
i try not too much concern myself with other peoples relationships
Why comment?
Why not? OP asked what people think. The response is valid.
It’s a non answer that just serves to pat themselves on the back for being “good”. The question is also about the concept of open relationships. You can talk about that concept without viewing it through the lense of other people’s business. It’s a frustrating thing I see regularly in comments on posts like this. The idea you have to comment just to let everyone know you don’t have an opinion because you’re too moral.
Did you just comment to whine about someone else’s comment to show off how much better you are by (incorrectly) saying their view wasn’t meaningful enough?
No, no OP has a point. That poster’s comment was inane, and you are only looking stupid by defending that as a good post
Their view added nothing. It served only to show that they don’t have an opinion. So again, why comment if you’re not willing to have an opinion. Its just moral posturing, its annoying and cringy.
I’m with you on this one, Chippy. But you kinda have to let people be useless, as long as they’re harmless at least. We just gotta tolerate it (even if the obvious "virtue signalling " is annoying) and move on without losing our temper. 🥲
It seems like an exhaustingly complex set of boundaries to keep and tends to create winners and losers out of third parties if the boundaries are rigidly followed in most cases. I think being that secure is somewhat admirable, but it also seems like a devastating fall to make if things don’t work out. Different folks have different ways of doing things, I think it’s fine, just not for me personally and I definitely wouldn’t want to be the 3rd party to it either.
ITT: polyphobia
If it works, it works.
Considering that people often hookup just for sex, I don’t see why it couldn’t work in this case.actually one thing happened can i share?
Been working for me for over a decade. I love my wife dearly, she’s not as sexual as I am, she likes hearing about my encounters with other women, it works for us. It won’t work for everyone, and requires a ton of communication and respect.
If trust and communication are on point, its cool.
so its cool at both end?
I’m newly poly and my wife and girlfriend both live in town, but it’s really fulfilling for all of us
How you adjust?
It’s been a long road but when I met GF I knew I wanted to date her and that I didn’t want to cheat. She is happily married and was already poly so I talked to my wife about it. It was suuuuper weird at first, but now we’re all friends. The most important thing about being poly- what makes it poly instead of just cheating- is openness and honesty. Just be honest and everything will work out for you.
so if like my wife ask that poly with her senior so its good?
Ok so to be poly everyone involved has to be good with it, and if you’re not comfortable then it’s not poly; it’s cheating. My wife wasn’t comfortable at first so we talked about it and now she is, but it’s definitely not for everyone. The mononormative worldview in our society is DEEPLY ingrained. For the people in my polycule it’s healthy and good for us, and all four of us have a good relationship with each other.
hey can i share thing on here?
Yeah totally
yes now we comforatbale so its good if we all in one place?
I’d say so
Not getting
Too risky. More times it goes wrong than right, people are quietly seeking ways to cheat or take advantage of the open relationship.
how but i seen its also advantage?
I think why you are choosing to do it matters. I think open relationships can be successful, but like are you doing it to keep a relationship on the rocks going? Or are you both legitimately capable of polyamory and able to be available to each other and your other partners in a way that doesn’t feel demeaning to anyone involved?
actually one thing happened can i share on messge?
Sure
I wouldn’t like it in that situation, no. If you aren’t together and are doing other people but not each other what exactly is your relationship?
The only way I think it really works is if you are so hot together it pulls other people in, and if you are both wired to be turned on by hearing about the sex with other people, and have extremely good communication, like to the point it would annoy most people. It can’t be to fill a hole (ha ha) in the relationship you have. It can be good if you are both enthusiastic about it for sure. I don’t personally know anyone who has successfully used it one sided to manage a libido difference, though the top comment here is a guy saying he does that.
True but according to your point of can it need to do?
I’m polyamorous myself, I think it’s just important to clearly establish rules about it with the people you are dating. Personally, my only rule is that anyone already in the relationship needs to agree when adding a new person. If someone says no, then it’s no
if husband and wife both agree then its cool?
Basically yes, then if you want to add another person after, husband, wife, and the person that was added before need to agree to add the next person
like can we share one thing like me and my partner both live in other city, so actually in other city she hug one friend so she ask me
If they are only a friend and not actually part of the relationship, you just need consent of the people in the relationship. That’s what I do when flirting online with people, I have the consent of everyone in my relationship (only my bf for now)
So as long as she keeps you aware and that you say it’s fine, it’s perfectly ok in my opinion
so she can keep that relationship?
If you are ok with it, yes
can i share detail in message?
